Setting Boundaries

This post first appeared as the July/August 2014 Community Spotlight on New Connexions.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAEvery day, we have relationships with family, friends and coworkers. We want our identity to be noticed, and our wholeness and integrity recognized.

But sometimes we run up against a stronger energy that wants to envelop us, or tell us how to behave or what to think. Sometimes our children ask us to give them something that feels like more than we have to give or sometimes it’s a parent in need of extra help or attention.

If you know your own boundaries it’s easier to discern when we want to say yes or no. And even if you know our boundaries and limits, you may be asked to stretch them. You have to determine at that moment if you are still being true to your own Self.

There are three layers of boundaries. The first layer is the outer boundary, the one which meets with the many different relationships we have in the world. The next layer in is that in which we share more of our innermost feelings with our close friends and loved ones. And the most inner core is that part of our boundary which we share with only our self. Our outer boundary is permeable and lets in some and keeps others at bay. Most of us want a permeable boundary because we want to let love in and out. We want to have a flow of light in and out, and ask our boundaries to protect us from unwanted negativity.

We say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to our intimates when we are asked to help out. We often say yes to our bosses when we are asked to perform. And sometimes we say no to our children or no to our aging parents, and then we feel guilty.

Sometimes in saying no to a loved one, you’re protecting your own safety, limits and boundaries. Sometimes others need to take care of their own desires, wants and needs. When you say no out of love, you can disrupt feelings of guilt.

Learning to “see” the physicality of one’s own boundary in the spirit world is a way to help you understand your own limits. Now take a few cleansing breaths and imagine in your mind’s eye what your boundary looks like. Is it wavy, dark, lit up, surround by leaves, made of brush or a wave of water? Is it made of lights or concrete, in a clearing or by the seashore? By visualizing your boundary, you can take your inner world to your outer world of relationships. When you see your boundary, you can alter it if you wish. By changing your inner boundary you change your outer boundary. True alchemy is taking a message from our internal spirit and manifesting it in our external world. Now take a moment to honor your boundary.


Sat nam.

Leave a Reply